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The Real Cancun
2003 - R - 90 Mins.
Director: Rick De Oliveira
Producer: Rick de Oliveira, Mary-Ellis Bunim, Jonathan Murray, Jamie Schutz
Starring: Many inebriated teenagers
Review by: Carl Langley

Well I guess the movie isn't THAT bad...
New Line Cinema thought it would be a profitable idea to film a group of college-aged students on their spring break in Cancun, drinking booze and having sex until the break of dawn. Yet what seemed like an intriguing proposal only revolved into a major letdown. “The Real Cancun” is nothing more than an elongated television episode of MTV’s “The Real World” amalgamated with alcohol and uncensored body shots (which makes sense because the creators of “The Real Cancun” are the creators of “The Real World”). The documentary is superficially boring, not to mention imbecilic because it is not real at all. All reality shows have that knack for being mendacious and in “The Real Cancun,” it is obvious the contestants are aware of the camera at all times.

The film starts off by introducing us to the intoxicant-plagued souls before they head off for spring break. Each person explains their bibulous and sexual projects for when they arrive at Cancun, while a name is flashed at the bottom, letting us know who individuals are. It really did not matter though, because so many faces equal so many forgotten names, especially standard names such as Alan, David, and Nicole. Of course, there are a few that stand out, not only by their name (Sky and Jorell) but by their extroversive personalities as well.

The adolescents waste no time consuming alcohol and getting to know each other on a personal basis. Casey, a model with a beach-blonde surfer mentality, has an indistinguishable approach for all women: he stutters “Do you wanna make out with me?” or “Any of you girls wanna get in the shower with me?” When they laughably decline, he is shocked as if he should have women literally drooling on him and asks “Why not?”

Fortunately, not everyone in “The Real Cancun” is half-witted cretins or has high school attitudes. Alan, a freshman from Texas Tech, informs us he has never been drunk before and does not plan on doing so during his vacation. So for the first day he sits back and savors watching stupidity rank over couth. But before he even realizes it, Alan is throwing back shots of tequila, making out with numerous girls, and wearing bikini bottoms for a contest to see who has the best body. Most drunkards are boneheaded and really irritating, but in Alan’s case, he is uninitiated to alcohol and with his sweet boy personality, his first experiences intoxicated are definitely the funniest moments of the whole documentary. After taking body shots off a fine-looking stranger and smooching her, he politely says “I have a question for you. Will you go on a date with me?” What a gentleman.

Everybody else in the picture is lame and forgettable. There is absolutely no reason to waste gas driving to the theater or money on this failed attempt at a documentation of spring break naturalism. “The Real Cancun” fairs no better than the galore of reality shows on television. What is even worse is viewers who were lured in with the uncensored material that was promised, will be highly disappointed. The advertisements are deluding. Again, the only asset that saves “The Real Cancun” from dying with barbarity is the sweet-natured, innocent boy from Texas who mirthfully transforms into the conventional partygoer. Although that could be disastrous as well, depending on who you are and how you look at it.
Movie Guru Rating
Bland, boring, inept. Forgettable. Bland, boring, inept. Forgettable.
  1.5 out of 5 stars

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