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Hudson Hawk
1991 - R - 100 Mins.
Director: Michael Lehmann
Producer: Joel Silver
Written By: Steven E. de Souza
Starring: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, Richard E. Grant, David Caruso
Review by: John Ulmer

This isn't Die Hard, ya know?
Paroding the tagline for this film, "Catch The Excitement. Catch The Adventure. Catch The Flop."

Bruce Willis has made his fair share of turkeys ("Striking Distance," "Mercury Rising"), but this could be his very worst. The ads were promising. The tagline was catchy. I was really looking forward to this film to a certain degree. I'm not a real big fan of Willis, but I considered this the opportunity for a clever self-parody. WRONG! What I got was a self-indulgent piece of trash disguised as an interesting and intriguing comedy.

The plot involves ol' Brucey narrating--and singing (yes, singing)--his way through the film as Eddie "Hudson Hawk" Hawkins--a cat burglar just released from prison after ten years. Eddie plans to live out the rest of his life honestly--until trouble comes along. Trouble with a big "b" called The Mayflower Couple (Sandra Bernhard and Richard E. Grant), who blackmail Eddie into stealing precious Leonardo da Vinci works of art. If he refuses, they threaten to kill his friend Tommy (Danny Aiello).

Okay, here's one thing that hits you over the head straight away: what kind of idiots would threaten to kill a ruthless cat burglar's friend as a blackmail attempt? For all they know, Hudson is a ruthless killer--why threaten to kill someone--friend or not--of Hudson? Why risk him saying "no" and walking away? They're putting up an awful blush expecting him to say "yes." Unfortunately for the audience's sake, he says "yes," and tries to steal the priceless works of art from nun Andie MacDowell, even more annoying in her role as Annie Baragli then ever before. I can put up with her in "Groundhog Day" because the movie is so darn funny: but she is just one more hinderance to this already-awful so-called "comedy" that closely resembles a pile of mucus.

Michael Lehman, director of "Heathers," "The West Wing" and the TV show "Watching Ellie" directs this film terribly. He's come off with good material before, but this ranks as his worst that I have seen.

Bruce Willis mumbles his way through every badly-written line helplessly, just like in "Mercury Rising." The only problem with this is that he not only mumbles through all his lines, but SINGS through many of his lines. After all, he sang the sountrack for the film--if you're in the theater waiting for this movie to start right now, that's your cue to RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RUN BEFORE!

I think I laughed once during this film. That's all. It is so painfully stupid, immature, weak, pathetic and just down-right odd and cartoony that only an idiot could truly cherish it. I actually had trouble watching it, and I sit through anything. I did eventually manage to sit through this film, but it was hard. The dialogue is even weaker than that of "Mercury Rising," and the characters are even more superficial than those in "Striking Distance"--a movie very near to my heart in the "yuck" category. Safe to say, you should stay away from this comic disaster. Hands down the worst comedy of 1991.
Movie Guru Rating
A train wreck.  So bad some may find it unintentionally entertaining.
  1 out of 5 stars

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